god under certain circumstances

"I'm not sure everybody's going to get an A on the first report card," Snow said. "You are not going to expect all the benchmarks to be met at the beginning of something."

Growing Republican revolt puts Bush under pressure in Iraq
Sheldon Alberts, CanWest News Service
Monday, July 09, 2007

I've got to call Snow on this one--he has a tendency to run his mouth off before thinking. I have to wonder, if this is the beginning, WHAT THE H3LL HAS BEEN GOING ON THE PAST 4 YEARS?

I love how they are crying for time now that there is actual accountability; the shameful bravado accompanying the Bush administration is enough to make even the French appealing.

i feel trampled on, torn apart

there was a rock, i thought it was strong and sturdy

could never imagine how it would break

and how i would fall

fighting the pain with some thought of a silver-lining

but there is no sunshine coming

history tells me that the darkness will not subside with the morning

my dreams will be dark, my day will be empty

and...what is worse

i have only myself to blame

knowing that i have fallen again of my own accord

forces me to question where i will garner the strength to stand again

my weakness...i feel it weighing down upon me...

my desire for her...her smile, her touch, her warmth...overwhelms me

but what more can be done to me...i am broken beyond repair

i'd like to think that, at some basic level, we all want the same things

but at some point, external and internal divergence occurs

standing before the crossroads, our past choices are magnified tenfold

will there be regret? or joy? or possibly...nothing at all...

our stance is defined not only by the path we choose

but also by how we shoulder the consequences of the choice

this burden lies at the root of our fear of change, of making a choice

but what is fear...just another demon to conquer

it's time to shift out of neutral and into drive...

Full Indy Star article

here it is, 8:38 am. i've been up since 6.

another of those nights, no position is satisfying.

i'm sure a myriad of medicines could resolve the problem.

at least the one on the surface.

sweet taste, my forbidden nectar.

but such an endulgence was not meant to be harvested alone.

he said in the road of life, those who crash are those who can't turn, who won't change.

right now, i would surrender. i am willing.

but the opportunity has not come.

the test becomes a battle of time against my pride.

and there are no real victories in war.

bc kermit is the coolest

a new day has dawned, it cannot be like any other

all of our deeds, right or wrong, are one step closer to reconciliation

the background noise, the chiming, the murmouring, the humming

it all resonates with one powerful voice

as your mind fights to keep the pain at bay

you dare not contemplate the hours ahead

for you know...you feel...you remember.

regret for the choices made, things done or things not done,

leads to one emotional conclusion: our love is crippling

and one logical question: was it all a waste?

everyday is like the last, save new bullshit to sift through.

sometimes the line between friend and foe becomes so obscure, i push away even my closest allies.

and that's how i see the world, isn't it, one ally (not to be confused with the girl) leads to the next. a huge network, going nowhere fast.

ungrateful, selfish, i am never satisfied. i guess my power grew to be too much, too fast.

give me simplicity or give me death--there are times when i have no preference. and that is when i end up here till the day even my thoughts betray...

A red dot in a sea of beige,

Where did it come from, why is it here?

Is it merely an accident, meant to find the wandering eye

And then be forgotten only moments later?

Or...is it a reminder of those who defy conformity?

The world is accelerating at an unprecedented rate.

It will not be long before we are overcome,

But there are those who realize

That what is popular is not always right,

And what is right is not always popular.

One of my greatest strengths is to make the hard decisions,

And now I aim to close off my heart and follow my mind.

But there is always the fear that, like the dot,

I stand for nothing, meant to be forgotten.

Fuck it, I have my threads. Bring on the rain.

---

"It is remarkable that persons who speculate the most boldly often conform with the most perfect quietude to the external regulations of society."
--
Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter

i'm always searching for some thrill, some sign of emotion in my cold life

blind to the consequences, i give into what feels good

i know better, i've learned my lessons the hard way

but i still push on, headstrong and prideful

in time, i will drive away everything that i want to be close

because under the visage, i know i am no more than life's fool

such power. such love. such widom.

all wasted in time's drift

there's so much i want to say, but i never find the right words

i hold myself to an accountability that leaves little room for what matters most

surrendering to my thoughts is the only satisfaction i get out of most situations

when what i feel and what i desire is placed against what i know and what is right

living by the golden rule, i end up shortchanged save for the times i am labeled a stern jackass

my pride causes me to be loved and hated in one all-encompassing showdown

my thoughts wander, my heart yearns, and my mind scorns

when will it ever be enough

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

--
Dylan Thomas

one would think the threads are neutral, and though this may be theoretically correct...the thoughts they invoke are certainly biased

all lives face struggle, suffering, sacrifice, some worse than others

all that we can do is endure...survive...make our stand upon our beliefs of what is good and bad

we find ourselves yearning for the seemingly-more bearable strife of our past while courting the pain of the present and fearing where the road will lead us

some days stand out, significant and memorable, throughout our struggles...yet as time passes, these days serve to remind us of what we miss the most

now i find that a cloud, black as night, ominous and sinister, seems to overshadow every shade of light

the cloud reveals the differing perspective on those bright days--the days we put on our best smile and hope no one sees through the mask

and when the treasures of our hearts no longer suffice to stay the darkness, to weather the cloud...we begin to feel the fading of who we are

men fight great battles, then retreat; the righteous fall alongside the wicked

for me this begs the question...do i even want to stop from fading?